whatever do i want with my life?
all my life i have this feeling that i'm going to die early. actually, its something i want. i want to die young. around 40 to 50 years old. i've got a number of reasons why i want this to be. the prevailing and paranoid reason is because i just want to psyche myself thinking my time is running and i have to make wise use of the time i have left.
mama and i talked last night and i got this uncomfortable feeling... i have just finished a chapter of my life and now fearfully venturing into a new one. after our talk, i saw a different chapter will be unfolded. i felt it will come, but i never really gave time to think about it. one thing for sure, i don’t want that chapter included in my life.
thinking about it seemed like everything’s going to be fast-paced and short-lived. i guess the chapter that have started would be something i should live fully. but one question though, whatever do i want to do with this chapter? whatever do i want with my life?
am i going to find a job while reviewing for my board exams or am i going to focus on my review? what if i failed the licensure exams? what career path am i going to take? what choices do i have? do i have a choice? do i know i what i want?
O Lord, whatever it is that You want me to do, please give me a sign. Show me Lord... a lot of things are unclear to me. I dont wanna be wasting my time, Your time, with selfish and nonsense crap anymore. I dont want to make wrong decisions anymore...