The primary resource for this topic are the notes from the lecture of married couple Marlon Ramirez and Ianessa Ang-Ramirez, M.D., of Human Life International - Asia on October 22, 2002, at the conference "Moving Thomasian Families for Life and Love" organized by the University of Santo Tomas Center for Campus Ministry and Human Life International - Asia. I added information from online resources duly cited in the footnote to expound and substantiate the topic.
What is a Dysfunctional Family?
"A dysfunctional family is not a family beset by a lot of problems, but a family that refuses to confront its problems.1"
All families encounter and do have problems. What makes a dysfunctional family is when these problems become chronic, when the family refuses to acknowledge the problem and find pro-active and responsible solutions. Primary coping mechanisms would be blame and avoidance.
And in line with the explanation of Chloe Sekouri2, a psychotherapist and whose definition I found most profound, when a family's treatment to the problem is not morally upright or short-changing for its members, and this becomes their systematic approach to problems, then the family is dysfunctional.
To make it clearer, the table below shows the characteristics of a healthy family and a dysfunctional one.
And in line with the explanation of Chloe Sekouri2, a psychotherapist and whose definition I found most profound, when a family's treatment to the problem is not morally upright or short-changing for its members, and this becomes their systematic approach to problems, then the family is dysfunctional.
To make it clearer, the table below shows the characteristics of a healthy family and a dysfunctional one.
| Healthy Family | Dysfunctional Family |
|---|---|
| Emotions are expressed. Members can freely ask for and give attention | Emotions are suppressed |
| Open communication | Little or no communication. Members fail to take responsibility for personal actions and feelings |
| Rules are flexible to adapt to individual needs | Rules are rigid, inconsistent, implicit and exacting |
| Mistakes are tolerated | Perfection is preferred. |
| Differences are allowed. Each member is encouraged to pursue his/her interests | Individualities are not respected. Members tend to take roles that serve to restrict feelings, experience, and self-expression. |
| Children and their rights are consistently respected | Boundaries between members that are either too loose or too rigid. Parents depend too much on their children, or make all decisions for them. |
| Children do not fear or are subject to emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse | Parents are abusive |
To further differentiate a healthy and functional family from a dysfunctional one, here is an acronym from John Bradshaw as cited by Tina Teesina:
"F ills its functionTo some degree, I think I came from a dysfunctional family... How about you?
U understands everyone's purpose
N nurtures - everyone's needs are met
C communicates frequently and effectively
T teaches the children what they need to know
I intimacy is available
O open to new ideas
N never punishes by shaming or withholding love
A always seeks to understand each other
L LOVE IS MOST IMPORTANT (including sometimes tough love)
F fights fair
A assists each other (teamwork)
M makes each individual important
I in times of trouble, focuses on solving the problem, support
L lets each member be an individual
Y YOU have the power to be functional, no matter what anyone else is doing"
Next in this series: Types of Dysfunctional Families
Resources for this series:
[1] Marlon Ramirez and Ianessa Ang-Ramirez, M.D. "Moving Thomasian Families for Life and Love: Understanding Dysfunction in the Family." University of Santo Tomas. 22 October 2002.
[2] Chloe Sekouri. "What is a Dysfunctional Family?: Harmful Patterns in the Family System." Suite101. 25 Jan 2010. 26 Aug 2010. http://improving-relationships.suite101.com/article.cfm/what_is_a_dysfunctional_family
[3] Tina Tessina, Ph.D. "Dysfunctional Families (excerpt)." It Ends With You; Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction. 2003. 2 Sept 2010. http://www.enotalone.com/article/4407.html
[4] "Dysfunctional Family." Gale Encyclopedia of Childhood and Adolescence. 1998. 25 Aug 2010. http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/dysfunctional-family
[5] "Dysfunctional Families: Recognizing and Overcoming their Effects" 1997. Counselling Services. Kansas State University. 25 Aug 2010. http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/relationships/dysfunc.html
[6] George Boyd. "When You Grow Up in a Dysfunctional Family." 1992. Mudrashram Institute of Spiritual Studies. 25 Aug 2010. http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html
[7] "Dysfunctional Family." Wikipedia. 25 Aug 2010. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysfunctional_family
[8] Suzanne Gold. Surviving a Dysfunctional Family. 1997. http://www.suzannegold.com/
Photo credits:
http://www.viewfrommywindow.net/archives/2007_02.php
http://www.illegal-art.org/print/popups/family.html
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